This one question fundamentally changed 1:1s with my reports for the better…

… it’s a 3-part question that gives power back to the team member(s) and helps us both identify the level of support they need.

The question

Here it goes:
First, team member describes their predicament, challenge or outlook.

Me: “Do you want to
1) simply vent and let it out? Just share it with me?
2) want to come to your own conclusions and action items, supported by me?
3) get straight-up, direct advice from me?”

Outcome

Version 1 ➡ They can let loose with permission. Go wild! 😂
Version 2 ➡ I use coaching questions to help them activate their own resources.
Version 3 ➡ I share what I consider appropriate for this situation.

But, wait, hold, up, don’t you always subscribe to a coaching-centered approach?

Yes and no.

Sometimes, team members need, no, they actually CRAVE orientation. My first instinct, however, should not be to (over)share. Every context is different and so are solutions.

Individualized management in its true form.

And of course, there are situations where honest feedback and expectation setting trump this question.

Reactions

As soon as I started using this question my team members responded positively to it. In feedback rounds, the majority expressed that it made them feel like I considered them in all the ways that count.

My manager mentees reacted equally happily. The eagerly picked up the advice and applied them to their own 1:1s.

What has been a transformative approach you have learned of and applied? How has your manager best supported you in complex scenarios?